How to work with validating couples

Reactive couples very much want to move out of what seems to be these inevitable cycles of painful escalation, yet seem really unable to do so.

These couples need more than intimacy-building or communication techniques on how to improve their love relationships.

Her thoughts produce a story which goes like this: “ I can’t stand how selfish he is… Her stomach tightens, tension in her throat intensifies.

how to work with validating couples-80

He reaches out to Susan, eager to give her a hug and share travel details with her.

She pushes him away with her expression and he blurts out “What the hell is the matter with you ..

When I experience harshness, criticism and invalidation, its like salt on an open wound.

Over time the pain and suffering which partners endure creates distance, isolation and lonliness.

By Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph D Every relationship has troubled stretches when partners disagree – but not every couple handles disagreements the same way.

Since the way a couple handles conflict can shape their relationship (and their odds for a future together), it’s a good idea to consider what kind of approach you and your partner are taking – and what that approach says about your relationship as a whole.Over the past years, I’ve been using “The High Conflict Couple – a Dialectical Behavior Therapy guide to finding Peace, Intimacy and Validation” by Alan Fruzetti in my work with couples struggling with high levels of painful and unproductive conflict.This approach provides an outstanding set of strategies and approaches which are taught in the couples and marriage counseling sessions.Though every couple’s specific approach to conflict is unique, John Gottman, a researcher who explores the dynamics between partners, has found that couples with healthy relationships typically fall into one of three general categories: validating, volatile, and conflict-avoiding.He found that other couples who use a style of disagreeing that he calls “hostile” often divorce or break-up.If you can’t do this on your own, you may need the help of a therapist.

Comments are closed.